Spending New Year’s Eve alone as well.
Like Christmas.
alone.

Had two Friends ask what I was doing
After I asked them
And then felt bad
or trapped
when I said that I would be
alone
and didn’t know what to say or do
so came the
“obligatory” invites
to join them
in their festivities
that did not include me

One Friend – an old Friend from high school and his wife
Already planning to celebrate together, privately
Offering to include me
beforehand
How kind to care
I’ll pass, Thank You.

The other Friend – a Family celebration
She has just gone through surgery
And still in pain and disabled
Offering to include me
Despite her own struggles
How kind to care
I’ll pass, Thank You.

The obligatory comment from my Mother
Wish you were here..
but not
don’t worry about your dogs
just come be with us.

Nothing else
No party
no gathering
no small get-together
Nothing

No one should be
alone
at this time
One should be with Family
or Friends
Should be.

Not the Holiday I thought I would be having
Not the way that was planned
Not the way that was planned with another
Broken all around.

Still sad
but getting used to it.

Bring in 2010,
It has GOT to be better than 2009.

But then I said that about 2008 into 2009
and it just got worse.
Much worse.

I’m scared
and alone.