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Tag: Cliff Grimes

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

Curvey

Times are tough all over
People loosing jobs
I lost my job.

My Friend, Kristen, has lost her job
her “day” job
and will be temporarily moving to another state
to pursue an opportunity.

I wanted to get with her to wish her luck before she left,
so I went to her “other” job to see her.
She owns a Curves studio in my neighborhood
I used to be a member, “before”.

Mr. Sack gave me the membership
for my birthday 2008
plus flowers
when he was still being a
nice guy
and cared.

Kristen has been busy and is not a computer person
does not read my blog often
so did not know of my need to start exercising again
or the search for a Rebounder.

She was unaware of my need to start exercising
but I cannot afford to pay for a membership.

Kristen has gifted me a month membership to her Curves location
with the stipulation that I get my eBay up and running.

A gift AND incentive!
Thank You, Kristen!

Tags: Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Curves, Dallas, exercise

Posted in appreciation, Coping, Emotions, Friends, Friendship, gratitude, Special People | 3 Comments »

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

New Year’s Eve 2009

Spending New Year’s Eve alone as well.
Like Christmas.
alone.

Had two Friends ask what I was doing
After I asked them
And then felt bad
or trapped
when I said that I would be
alone
and didn’t know what to say or do
so came the
“obligatory” invites
to join them
in their festivities
that did not include me

One Friend – an old Friend from high school and his wife
Already planning to celebrate together, privately
Offering to include me
beforehand
How kind to care
I’ll pass, Thank You.

The other Friend – a Family celebration
She has just gone through surgery
And still in pain and disabled
Offering to include me
Despite her own struggles
How kind to care
I’ll pass, Thank You.

The obligatory comment from my Mother
Wish you were here..
but not
don’t worry about your dogs
just come be with us.

Nothing else
No party
no gathering
no small get-together
Nothing

No one should be
alone
at this time
One should be with Family
or Friends
Should be.

Not the Holiday I thought I would be having
Not the way that was planned
Not the way that was planned with another
Broken all around.

Still sad
but getting used to it.

Bring in 2010,
It has GOT to be better than 2009.

But then I said that about 2008 into 2009
and it just got worse.
Much worse.

I’m scared
and alone.

Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack, New Year, New Year 2009, New Year 2010, New Year Eve

Posted in Emotions, sadness, scared, Special Days, tired | 1 Comment »

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

Bath Water

Time to shake this depression off of me like a dog shakes off its bath water.

Ok, I had a good cry
a Very Good Cry
felt sorry for myself
got mad
got mad at this cancer
got mad at Mr. Sack
got mad at my Folks
got mad at myself.

I can do that
I am allowed to do that.

Now, it’s
Time to
Stop the whining
Stop the public wailing.

I need to look back
and be
Grateful for the
Blessings I received.

I am Thankful for the Holiday cards people sent me. I loved opening each one. Anticipating the greetings, the decor of the cards, if anything would be enclosed – a note, a personal newsletter, photos, a memento.
Thank you.

My Mom & Dad paid to have the leak in the roof of the Hyundai fixed. That is a Huge stress off of me, but am sad at the “waste” of this large amount of money.
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Crystal, gave me a loaf of the BEST Banana Bread I think I have Ever had! I Tried to ration it out, but it was too good. It is gone.
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Christy, gave me some Spiced Pecans and Oreo Candy Cane Bark. Since I am not supposed to eat sugar, I am being very careful in rationing this out – but what I have had so far is Very Yummy!
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Donna, made me a Beautiful name tag to wear at my social events. It is beaded and has fringe and is just LOVELY!
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Grace, took me to dinner where we laughed and cried and laughed and drank too many margaritas.
Thank You.

My Friend, Josie, gave me a Lovely plaque inscribed with a quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt; “A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water”. This is very inspirational.
Thank You.

My Dear (Old-time) Friend, Marianne, sent me an AWESOME handmade Christmas stocking. Made of Funky Wild Pink Paisley patterned fabric with “Girl Friend” beads and decor and white faux fur and pom-pom trim, and filled with fun and useful items. It was So Much Fun to unwrap!
Thank You.

In lieu of gifts, I received some Unbelievable donations for the Holidays. I was several people’s “Charity of Choice”. While I do not relish this title, I am Extremely Grateful to be gifted in such a manner.
* Cherie’ & Billy
* Marianne & Jim
* Patti
* Katherine & Family
* Margot
* Cindy & Family
* Christy & Bill
* Niver Family
Thank You is not, and will never be, enough.

My (Old-time) Friend, Cherie’ & Hubby, Billy, made me their “Charity of Choice” in their annual Charity Exchange with their Friends. I received (an additional) 5 generous donations due to their gracious act of kindness.
Again, Thank You is not enough.

So… while I will always mourn the loss of the life that was planned with Mr. Sack and what I gave up “for him”, for everything we had talked of, for everything we had planned, for everything we had promised… for the 35+ years that I believed him to be the epitome of a man and held him up to compare all others to (which they were never able to measure up), for the lies he told and the shallow judgment he made, for him “dumping” me one month after my diagnosis – for now, there is enough whining about what was lost and be Grateful for what I have.

Shake off the Bath Water.
The dampness will dry out in time…

I am Truly Grateful.
Thank You.
Thank you for thinking of me.

Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Donations, Mr. Sack, Special Gifts

Posted in appreciation, Coping, depression, determination, Emotions, Friends, Friendship, Generosity, loneliness, tired | 3 Comments »

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

Christmas Eve 2009

Another emotional roller coaster of a day.

The cold is settling in…
I feel it
in my body
in my heart
in my soul

I feel it
I will be glad when this season is over
When the festivities and celebrations have passed
When the joy is a blurred memory
When the memories of my hopes and dreams are
no more than dust
no longer shards
piercing my heart

I feel it
the cold front moving in
The wind is whipping up
The trees are blowing from side to side
I can imagine that it might even howl later

A fitting sound for my mood

I covered the plants in the front, but have not the energy to finish the ones in the back. I lost some in the last freeze, I can only guess I will loose more in this one. I no longer have the energy to do everything.

Depression sucks almost as much as cancer.

Merry Christmas Eve.

Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack

Posted in Coping, depression, Emotions, frustration, heartbroken, loneliness, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, Stress, tired | 1 Comment »

Friday, December 11th, 2009

Spiritless

I have no Christmas Spirit.
I just don’t care.

My last few years have been such a roller coaster…
* Reconnecting with Mr. Sack in mid 2007
* Planning for a new life in a new city with the man I had held in my heart for over 30 yrs.
* Found the lump Feb 2008
* March 2008, after numerous reassurances that my weight was not an issue, even though I had lost 40lbs, Mr. Sack decided that I was fatter than he remembered, but he would “try and work through it”.
* Thinking I was fighting a “staph infection” for 8+ months with a plethora of antibiotics.
* The accidental loss of my beloved cat, Hardy, in Nov 2008 to a dog I had rescued several months earlier.
* Having to put Cole down because he had killed Hardy and I couldn’t find anyone to take him and I couldn’t keep him any longer.
* Diagnosed with cancer late Feb 2009.
* Dumped by Mr. Sack late April 2009.
* The discovery that several people whom I thought were Friends were not.
* Reconnecting with old Friends and finding strength in them.
* Loosing a job that I enjoyed, with a group of people who provided me with great spiritual and emotional strength and reassurance, which I truly truly appreciated.

Not to mentioned the numerous other “small” yet aggravating things that have continuously beaten me down.

All the time I am fighting this fight.

I just have no spirit left.
None.

Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack

Posted in anger, Cancer, Coping, depression, despair, Emotions, frustration, heartbroken, loneliness, Overload, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

Happy Birthday Mr. Sack

Happy Birthday, Mr. Sack.
I wish you the gift of devastation that you gave me – total and complete destruction of my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.
You Suck.

Tags: Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack

Posted in anger, Emotions, heartbroken, rejection, sadness, Special People, Totally Non-cancer Related | No Comments »

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

Oh, Momma Mia

My Mom left this morning… to go back to Corpus. She stayed with me while I went through Zometa infusion #3.

I don’t know why, but we were really getting on each other’s last nerve this time. “Why” would most probably be the situation. It doesn’t seem right, but – as Mr. Sack used to say – “it is what it is”.

Don’t get me wrong – I Love my Mom, Love her with all my heart. But we are so similar, and we really can clash.
And we are also very different and really can clash *LOL*

I’m very lucky she is in a position that she can come and stay with me.

Otherwise I’d be alone.
Terrifyingly and heartwrenchingly alone.

It would have been very difficult to go through the sickness and reactions alone… I know this… So I am very grateful that she comes…

Yet we get on each other’s nerves… bitchy, irritatingly on the last nerve.

But there is Lots of Love there.

And I need that

Especially right now.

Tags: Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Family Relationships, Mr. Sack

Posted in Family, Mom, Special People | No Comments »

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

The New Phone Books Are Here! The New Phone Books Are Here!

Ehhhhh… not so much so about phonebooks and I’m not The Jerk (the movie, not Mr. Sack). However… My Mustard Seed Necklace Has Arrived! YAY!

It’s not Exactly as the eBay photo showed, but close enough that I am not bothered by the slight differences, and there are actually more seeds than the one in the photo showed, so I’m liking That!

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