Tag: Christmas 2009

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Welcome 2010…

So…
After declaring that is was
time to
stop
the whining

I went and
fell right back into a
pitiful state
.

Its Tough

Its a Tough situation
This situation
This cancer situation

Tough on
The Body
The Spirit
The Emotions

Its a Tough
time of year
This time of year
Tough
on the emotions
Tough
on the heart

Its been a Tough year
This past year 2009
I have
Lost
A Love
My Health
A Job
a Tough year

I’m not so tough
not so
Tough to be able
to carry this burden
without
cracking
at sometime
or another.

All I can do is
pick myself back up
dust myself off
put on a smile
keep on going

Tough it out.

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Thursday, December 31st, 2009

New Year’s Eve 2009

Spending New Year’s Eve alone as well.
Like Christmas.
alone.

Had two Friends ask what I was doing
After I asked them
And then felt bad
or trapped
when I said that I would be
alone
and didn’t know what to say or do
so came the
“obligatory” invites
to join them
in their festivities
that did not include me

One Friend – an old Friend from high school and his wife
Already planning to celebrate together, privately
Offering to include me
beforehand
How kind to care
I’ll pass, Thank You.

The other Friend – a Family celebration
She has just gone through surgery
And still in pain and disabled
Offering to include me
Despite her own struggles
How kind to care
I’ll pass, Thank You.

The obligatory comment from my Mother
Wish you were here..
but not
don’t worry about your dogs
just come be with us.

Nothing else
No party
no gathering
no small get-together
Nothing

No one should be
alone
at this time
One should be with Family
or Friends
Should be.

Not the Holiday I thought I would be having
Not the way that was planned
Not the way that was planned with another
Broken all around.

Still sad
but getting used to it.

Bring in 2010,
It has GOT to be better than 2009.

But then I said that about 2008 into 2009
and it just got worse.
Much worse.

I’m scared
and alone.

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Sunday, December 27th, 2009

Bath Water

Time to shake this depression off of me like a dog shakes off its bath water.

Ok, I had a good cry
a Very Good Cry
felt sorry for myself
got mad
got mad at this cancer
got mad at Mr. Sack
got mad at my Folks
got mad at myself.

I can do that
I am allowed to do that.

Now, it’s
Time to
Stop the whining
Stop the public wailing.

I need to look back
and be
Grateful for the
Blessings I received.

I am Thankful for the Holiday cards people sent me. I loved opening each one. Anticipating the greetings, the decor of the cards, if anything would be enclosed – a note, a personal newsletter, photos, a memento.
Thank you.

My Mom & Dad paid to have the leak in the roof of the Hyundai fixed. That is a Huge stress off of me, but am sad at the “waste” of this large amount of money.
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Crystal, gave me a loaf of the BEST Banana Bread I think I have Ever had! I Tried to ration it out, but it was too good. It is gone.
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Christy, gave me some Spiced Pecans and Oreo Candy Cane Bark. Since I am not supposed to eat sugar, I am being very careful in rationing this out – but what I have had so far is Very Yummy!
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Donna, made me a Beautiful name tag to wear at my social events. It is beaded and has fringe and is just LOVELY!
Thank You.

My Dear Friend, Grace, took me to dinner where we laughed and cried and laughed and drank too many margaritas.
Thank You.

My Friend, Josie, gave me a Lovely plaque inscribed with a quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt; “A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water”. This is very inspirational.
Thank You.

My Dear (Old-time) Friend, Marianne, sent me an AWESOME handmade Christmas stocking. Made of Funky Wild Pink Paisley patterned fabric with “Girl Friend” beads and decor and white faux fur and pom-pom trim, and filled with fun and useful items. It was So Much Fun to unwrap!
Thank You.

In lieu of gifts, I received some Unbelievable donations for the Holidays. I was several people’s “Charity of Choice”. While I do not relish this title, I am Extremely Grateful to be gifted in such a manner.
* Cherie’ & Billy
* Marianne & Jim
* Patti
* Katherine & Family
* Margot
* Cindy & Family
* Christy & Bill
* Niver Family
Thank You is not, and will never be, enough.

My (Old-time) Friend, Cherie’ & Hubby, Billy, made me their “Charity of Choice” in their annual Charity Exchange with their Friends. I received (an additional) 5 generous donations due to their gracious act of kindness.
Again, Thank You is not enough.

So… while I will always mourn the loss of the life that was planned with Mr. Sack and what I gave up “for him”, for everything we had talked of, for everything we had planned, for everything we had promised… for the 35+ years that I believed him to be the epitome of a man and held him up to compare all others to (which they were never able to measure up), for the lies he told and the shallow judgment he made, for him “dumping” me one month after my diagnosis – for now, there is enough whining about what was lost and be Grateful for what I have.

Shake off the Bath Water.
The dampness will dry out in time…

I am Truly Grateful.
Thank You.
Thank you for thinking of me.

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Saturday, December 26th, 2009

Flipping the Switch


The “Season” is over.

The commercials on TV are
No longer
about Christmas
No longer
about the celebration
No longer
about the joy.

No more Merry Merry
Loving Family
Happy Couple
Smiling Children

It’s almost as though
a switch
was flipped
a marketing switch
was flipped.

Which is fine
with me.

Right now
This moment
In time
it is
too much for me
the pain is
too much for me

So flipp the switch
and I will cope
much easier
It will be
much easier.

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Friday, December 25th, 2009

Merry Christmas 2009

Ho Ho Whatever.

Here I am at home alone.
I’m going back to lay on the couch.
Maybe cry a bit more.

Tis the season to be jolly…

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Thursday, December 24th, 2009

Christmas Eve 2009

Another emotional roller coaster of a day.

The cold is settling in…
I feel it
in my body
in my heart
in my soul

I feel it
I will be glad when this season is over
When the festivities and celebrations have passed
When the joy is a blurred memory
When the memories of my hopes and dreams are
no more than dust
no longer shards
piercing my heart

I feel it
the cold front moving in
The wind is whipping up
The trees are blowing from side to side
I can imagine that it might even howl later

A fitting sound for my mood

I covered the plants in the front, but have not the energy to finish the ones in the back. I lost some in the last freeze, I can only guess I will loose more in this one. I no longer have the energy to do everything.

Depression sucks almost as much as cancer.

Merry Christmas Eve.

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Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Holiday Spiritless

This Holiday
is No Holiday
for me

This Joyous Spirit
Around me
Like a faded picture

This Celebration Spirit
Around me
Like shattered glass

This Christmas Spirit
Around me
broken

Spiritless

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Monday, December 21st, 2009

Christmas Party – Burzynski Clinic

This afternoon was the Christmas Party at The Burzynski Clinic, and I was invited.

I was expecting a simple, informal affair.

I was surprised.
Pleasantly surprised.

And glad that I didn’t bring a plate of cookies like I had planned!

It was held in the Clinic’s new conference room. There (seemed to be) about 20 large circular tables with 8 (or 9?) people per table. Nice small, festive centerpieces on each table.

Dr. Burzynski made a nice speech about the Clinic and its repair from the Hurricane damages, and the new medical and clinical services offered. Then a priest lead a devotional prayer. There were also short speeches made by several other Clinic staff. It was nice – very heartfelt, but not too long.

I saw a lot of staff, some patients that I had met previously and lots of people who I had no idea if were staff, family or patients or guests. But there were a Lot of everyone!

I ran into Dr. Deleon outside of the room, so she brought me to a table of some of her new patients. I got to meet some nice people and we shared our stories… Carol (metastatic colon cancer) and her Hubby; Christina (metastatic colon cancer) and her Hubby, Walt; Delilah and her adult son (brain cancer). All were from out of town, I hope to hear from them on their progress!

I was late, so the appetizers had already been served to each table – a basket of sliced bread, a plate of rolled meats with cheese slivers and grape tomatoes. Also a plate of pickled herring (?) with a sweetened onion relish. It was quite good.

Then they cleared the plates and brought around bottles of champagne.
Oh Yum :-)

And opened the buffet line, which was held in a very narrow side room. That part was not well thought out, as we had to enter and exit through the same door and, as mentioned, the room was fairly narrow.

The food on the buffet line was delicious… There was a Spring Mix salad, green bean casserole, rice with cranberries and pine nuts, baked salmon with a Hollandaise sauce, roast beef with cream gravy, mashed potatoes, uzska (small Polish-style perogies stuffed with a mushroom mixture; uzska which means “little ear” or similar), roasted beef carver with green herb sauce.

For dessert there was Makowiec (Poppy Seed Roll cake) and Pączki (a closed donut filled with cranberry marmalade), and coffee and assorted teas.

It was all really Very good!

All in all, a very nice event.

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Saturday, December 19th, 2009

More on The Pups and Christmas

About 2am I started feeling crummy – most probably from the infusion yesterday. Took some Tylenol and went back to sleep. I’ve been feeling crummy all day. Just hanging out at home.

I’ve been trying to find someone to watch the Pups, but everyone already has plans. People make their Holiday plans long in advance. They have their own Families and their own plans. And those plans do not include watching my Puppy Girls…

I’m gonna have my bag packed Just In Case Mom & Dad decide that they can “tolerate” my 2 dogs so that I can go and be with them in Corpus for Christmas. I’ll be ready to go!

This is a very difficult Christmas for me – with everything that has happened this past year – and I would Like to be with my Folks.

I’m understanding my Folks less and less… but I am still hoping…

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Sunday, December 13th, 2009

BOARDGAMING: December 2009 Party

It was a really nice Party. Was Great to spend time with my Friends and forget about my battle for a little bit.

“Gamesters” is the social-based boardgaming group that my Best Friend, Carol, and I started back in 2002 – as a response to the male-oriented gaming groups available at that time. Since then, boardgaming groups have become more common, and there are more options for the Ladies, Couples and Families. However, We Were the First In Houston to address those special needs! We have also held a monthly gaming event – a themed party with boardgaming. Some past themes include BBQ, Pizza Night, Mediterranean Night (complete with togas!), Foods You Love (for Valentine’s), Scary Foods (for Halloween, along with costumes!), Hawaiian Luau (Island Foods and Hawaiian garb), Mexican, Italian, Chinese… I could go on and on! The party theme is the choice of the Host, who supplies the main dish, and attendees bring complementing dishes. We have had some very fun themes picked over the years!

The December Party is our traditional Christmas / Holiday Party. It is (traditionally) held by Carol and Family. (Traditionally) the menu is “Breakfast for Dinner”, which means a menu of Breakfast items, and the requested attire is (traditionally) Family-Friendly PJs. I kinda followed my Halloween costume design, but instead of being a Deviled Egg, my outfit was the Spirit of Christmas Present. Yep, still trying to find that Spirit in me this year, and if I can’t find it naturally I am putting it on anyway.

Spirit of Christmas Present 2009

Spirit of Christmas Present 2009

GAMESTERS DECEMBER 2009 PARTY – Recap
* Saturday Dec 12, 2009
* 6:00pm – 1:00am+
* Hosted by Carol & Mike @ Missouri City (S Houston)
* Theme “Breakfast for Dinner Theme”; Menu of Breakfast Foods

The December 2009 Party was Hosted by Carol & Mike at their home in Missouri City (S Houston). Carol got to show off the house’s new floor and interior paint job – Looked good! Carol & Mike throw a Good party and we sure appreciate them opening their home to us!

ATTENDEES
* Carol & Mike B and Zach (15yrs) (HOSTING)
* Amber & Joe H, and Brandi (15yrs)
* Christy & Bill
* Crystal & Sam
* Denise D
* Donna (sans Mike, who was running a game at the MAG-Con)
* Joseph C
* Noreen & Ken

GAMES PLAYED
* Can’t Stop
* Gemlok
* Ingenious
* Mammoth Hunters
* Mancala
* Pickomino
* Power Grid
* Qwirkle Cubes
* Slamwich
* Stone Age
* Vegas Showdown

It had been awhile since I had played Vegas Showdown and I was Really Happy to get in That game cuz I do enjoy it!

ANNUAL GIFT SWAP & STEAL GAME
The Annual “Gift Swap & Steal” Game was a Lot of Fun! This year was better than last, and last year better than before, and so on! There were some Really Cool games gifted. There was a good bit of stealing going on due to the variety of cool games available. There was also the introduction of a new rule – Santa’s Bag of Coal, which allowed the Holder to steal ANY of the unwrapped or wrapped gifts at the end of the game OR to chose the “Mystery Gift” at the bottom of “Santa’s Bag”. An Interesting Twist – Par-Taaaay!

GIFT SWAP & STEAL GAMES AND WHO GOT THEM:
* Amber – Barista
* Bill – The Denbury Resources Oil Game
* Brandi – (2): Sleeping Queens; Sticheln
* Carol – Poison
* Christy – Cir*Kis
* Crystal – Gemlok
* Denise D – Zobmondo!! Would You Rather…
* Joe H – Citadels
* Joseph – Mammoth Hunters (and Santa’s Bag of Coal)
* Mike B – Beat The Experts
* Sam – Fresh Fish
* Zach – League of Pirates

MEAL – “Breakfast for Dinner”, menu of Breakfast Foods
* Sausage Egg Soufflé
* Sausage and Cheese mini quiche
* Lorraine mini quiche
* Scrambled eggs
* Sausage patties
* Pigs in the Blanket
* Grits
* Fruit Salsa and homemade cinnamon sugar tortilla chips
* Fruit Salad
* Fruit tray
* Mini cinnamon waffles w/dip
* PB&J Waffle sandwiches
* Sweet Rolls
* Croissants with Fresh Fruit jams
* Orange Juice
* Coffee with assorted flavored creamers, eggnog and half & half
* Mimosas (orange juice and champagne)
* Bottled water

Good Friends, Good Games and Good Food –a Perfect Combination for socializing and game play! The end of the evening was used to help pick up and clean up and for more socializing… I looked at the clock as we were driving away and I saw 3:15AM! Once again up late gaming! Was So Happy to share the ride home with Donna!

As always, A Lot of Fun was had by all! It was Very Good to see everyone, and we missed those who weren’t able to join us! Lookin forward to our next Monthly Party – specifics to be announced when determined.

Happy Holidays to Everyone!

GAME ON!!

Wanna see what’s out there these days for games?
Check out BoardGameGeek – it’s an Awesome site!!

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