Stress Category
Friday, December 11th, 2009
I have no Christmas Spirit.
I just don’t care.
My last few years have been such a roller coaster…
* Reconnecting with Mr. Sack in mid 2007
* Planning for a new life in a new city with the man I had held in my heart for over 30 yrs.
* Found the lump Feb 2008
* March 2008, after numerous reassurances that my weight was not an issue, even though I had lost 40lbs, Mr. Sack decided that I was fatter than he remembered, but he would “try and work through it”.
* Thinking I was fighting a “staph infection” for 8+ months with a plethora of antibiotics.
* The accidental loss of my beloved cat, Hardy, in Nov 2008 to a dog I had rescued several months earlier.
* Having to put Cole down because he had killed Hardy and I couldn’t find anyone to take him and I couldn’t keep him any longer.
* Diagnosed with cancer late Feb 2009.
* Dumped by Mr. Sack late April 2009.
* The discovery that several people whom I thought were Friends were not.
* Reconnecting with old Friends and finding strength in them.
* Loosing a job that I enjoyed, with a group of people who provided me with great spiritual and emotional strength and reassurance, which I truly truly appreciated.
Not to mentioned the numerous other “small” yet aggravating things that have continuously beaten me down.
All the time I am fighting this fight.
I just have no spirit left.
None.
Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack
Posted in Cancer, Coping, Emotions, Overload, Stress, anger, depression, despair, frustration, heartbroken, loneliness, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, tired, venting | No Comments »
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
Second week without my job
Second week
I feel so deflated
I’m trying to “get going”
but I am so very tired of being knocked down and getting back up
Over and over
and over
again
can’t I just stay down?
Tags: job, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Emotions, Overload, Stress, depression, employment, rejection, sadness, tired, venting | No Comments »
Monday, December 7th, 2009
So starts my second week of unemployment…
I miss the camaraderie
I miss the emotional support
I miss the spiritual support
Being laid off sucks
Being laid off for no good reason sucks
Still sucks.
Tags: employment, job, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Emotions, Stress, anger, depression, frustration, sadness, tired, venting | No Comments »
Saturday, December 5th, 2009
Only its not hairs that are splitting,
it’s now the skin on my feet that is splitting.
The past 3 weeks it was my fingers – spits on my fingertips and along my cuticles that made it necessary to wear band-aids and finger cots to protect my fingers.
Now it is my feet.
Especially my heels
Painful splits
Until now, it seemed that I might be able to “dodge” the Hand-Foot Syndrome that is one of the side effects of the Xeloda that I’m taking.
I’m slathering my feet with cream and aloe gel and then sleeping with socks over all that.
Offering some relief, but still is painful.
I’m literally walking on eggshells.
At least it Feels like it.
Painfully painfully so…
Tags: Hand-Foot Syndrome, splits, Xeloda
Posted in Coping, Dealing with Gene Therapy Drug Reactions, Gene Therapy Drug Reactions, Stress, frustration, sadness, tired | 1 Comment »
Friday, December 4th, 2009
Life I’m living still sucks.
Geez I am just Pathetic right now.
Its Frustrating for me, but I realize that its to be expected, given everything I’m going through.
Just gotta Hang On through this “Rough Patch”.
Rough patch… *LOL*
Anyway…
I’m a Big Reality Show Junkie.
My guilty pleasure…
And my Favorite Reality Show, Survivor, was on last night.
I Love it!
John got voted off… what a Blindside! This season is proving itself to be interesting…
I have to be careful though, not to descend into a life of TV and computer games. It would be too easy to try and escape that way…
So I have to remember to pick myself up.
Remember that I am Surviving.
All around, I am Surviving.
Tags: employment, job, Survivor, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Other Things, Overload, Stress, depression | No Comments »
Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
I slept until 11:13 this morning.
I can’t let this keep happening.
Better get the wah-wah-wah out of me by this week.
This week is it.
I don’t know if I can handle any more depression.
Tags: employment, job, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Emotions, Stress, employment, tired | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
Today is my first day of unemployment.
I think today I will just take a breath.
“After all … tomorrow is another day.“
Tags: employment, job, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Stress, employment, tired | No Comments »
Monday, November 30th, 2009
OMG
Today was Soooo bad.
It Just Sucked.
Seeing everyone who knew
was so hard.
Gong through my office one final time
was so hard.
Being there
was so hard.
I had to talk with my Manager, who had been out of town.
That was the last talk I ever wanted to have.
And I felt so betrayed.
I know it was out of his hands
But I would have thought that I deserved some notice of what was happening.
I would have Thought that.
THEN I find out that the employee who took the position
was not
an internal employee.
No.
She is a New Hire.
I have been with the company for 9 years.
I have worked this project for 20 months.
Yet
Someone who has never worked for the company
Who has not worked the project
Is deemed “a better fit” than I would be.
a better fit…
And all this was done within 2 weeks of my interview.
Within 2 weeks of the job I didn’t get…
So
Today Sucked.
Tags: employment, job, job interview, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Emotions, Other Things, Overload, Stress, anger, employment, frustration, sadness, tired, venting | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
My PCP’s office faxed my lab results…
Last Friday (Nov 20 2009), I had the bloodwork drawn to track my tumor markers. It was draw #7. I’ve been having pretty good results to-date, some ups some downs…
This blood draw was for the monthly tests (most specifically my CEA Tumor Markers) AND for the 3 month test, which include the EGFR (Epidermal Growth Factor Receptor) and the HER2 (Human Epidermal Growth Factor Receptor)… The standard monthly tests come back fairly quickly, but the additional HER2 and EGFR are sent off and they take longer to get results back.
* April 15, my baseline CEA tumor markers were 63.1 ng/mL (nanograms per milliliter). This is High, as Norm is 0.0-3.0 ng/mL.
I honestly don’t know how high “really high” is, but – in my internet searching – I read one gal talk about the mid-200’s, so I guess my high is not That high, but It’s High To me.
* June 03, my 2nd draw CEA tumor markers were 35.9 ng/mL
* July 03, my 3rd draw CEA tumor markers were 12.8 ng/mL
* August 27, my 4th draw CEA tumor markers were 3.9 ng/mL
* September 18, my 5th draw CEA tumor markers were 3.3 ng/mL
* October 16, my 6th CEA tumor markers are 3.2 ng/mL
* November 20, my 7th CEA tumor markers are 2.7 ng/mL
2.7!! A .5 DECREASE from last month and That Puts Me Into NORMAL Range! Normal!!
As always, I’m unsure, but this (CEA: The Test) continues to answer Some of my questions…
Still hoping that this all means Something Good… Something that will be reflected on the PET scan results… Still waiting on them.
My Other Numbers as of November 20 2009 blood test results:
* CA-125: 11 U/mL (Reference @ 0-35)
a 1 point INCREASE – up from 10 U/mL from October’s draw, I’m not sure how to feel about this… I’m not happy, but don’t know whether to be worried or not as it is still well within the normal range, in fact is very low normal range. But another increase Does worry me.
* CA 15-3: 21 U/mL (Reference @ <32)
a 5 point INCREASE – up from from 16 U/mL from October’s draw; I’m still within the normal range, but am getting higher and its scary.
* CA 27.29 (see CA15-3 above): 27 U/mL (Reference @ <38)
a 3 point DECREASE – down from 30 U/mL from October’s draw. Good to see it down a bit, especially since last month as an 11 point increase! I’m still within normal ranges, though I am in the high end of normal now.
The CA 27.29 test is used to monitor your:
- Response to treatment
- Status of your cancer
- Possibility of early recurrence
I am still dealing with this cancer
Still fighting for my life
I can Not become complacent and forget this is
My Life.
Stress… coming at me from all around these days.
Again… chill out.
Again… easy to say.
I am so scared. Never stop being so scared.
Visualizing my Dragons
my Warrior Dragons
Breathing fire,
Burning each evil cell
Burning, burning, burning
Into ash.
Burning Burning Burning Each Evil Cell.
Tags: Blood Tests, Tumor Markers
Posted in Results, Stress, Tests, frustration, scared, tired | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 23rd, 2009
Today at work
Sucked
I’m going through my outstanding projects
Trying to get stuff finished
So that the new Admin
Isn’t overwhelmed.
And cleaning my office.
My contract company told me the position was filled in-house, so I remind myself that this is the way it works. ExxonMobil looks out for “its own” first. It would be different if they were going outside to fill the position.
Gotta maintain a good attitude and hope for another position like this one.
Meanwhile Mom is really riding me about going to Corpus for ThanksGiving. I’m Trying to find someone to watch the Girls (my dogs), but she is relentless in her pushing.
More Stress.
Thanks.
Tags: employment, ExxonMobil, job, ThanksGiving, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Mom, Stress, employment, frustration, sadness, scared, tired | 1 Comment »
