Stress Category
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
My PCP’s office called with my my lab results…
Last Friday (Jan 22 2010), I had the bloodwork drawn to track my tumor markers. It was draw #9. I’ve been having pretty good results to-date, some ups some downs, some increases, some decreases – all within acceptable margins…
However, I’ve had a lot of unexplained aches and pains, especially breast and bone pain, and been battling stress and depression which I was – am – sure effected my health. So I’ve been Very scared of these results…
Very Scared.
This blood draw was for the monthly tests (most specifically my CEA Tumor Markers).
* April 15, my baseline CEA tumor markers were 63.1 ng/mL (nanograms per milliliter). This is High, as Norm is 0.0-3.0 ng/mL.
I honestly don’t know how high “really high” is, but – in my internet searching – I read one gal talk about the mid-200’s, so I guess my high is not That high, but It’s High To me.
* June 03, my 2nd draw CEA tumor markers were 35.9 ng/mL
* July 03, my 3rd draw CEA tumor markers were 12.8 ng/mL
* August 27, my 4th draw CEA tumor markers were 3.9 ng/mL
* September 18, my 5th draw CEA tumor markers were 3.3 ng/mL
* October 16, my 6th CEA tumor markers were 3.2 ng/mL
* November 20, my 7th CEA tumor markers were 2.7 ng/mL
* December 18, my 8th CEA tumor markers are 2.8 ng/mL
* January 22, my 9th CEA tumor markers are 3.1 ng/mL
This is a .3 INCREASE from last month, and puts me just above the normal range…
Dr. Khan has reassured me that this small increase is nothing to be concerned about, so I will TRY not to worry… Yah, right.
As always, I’m unsure, but this (CEA: The Test) continues to answer Some of my questions…
My Other Numbers as of January 22 2010 blood test results:
* CA-125: 12 U/mL (Reference @ 0-35)
a 2 point DECREASE – down from 14 U/mL from December’s draw… I am well within normal range.
* CA 15-3: 16 U/mL (Reference @ <32)
a 4 point DECREASE – down from from 20 U/mL from December’s draw; I’m well within the normal range.
* CA 27.29 (see CA15-3 above): 27 U/mL (Reference @ <38)
a 4 point DECREASE – down from 31 U/mL from November’s draw. This decrease makes me very happy!
The CA 27.29 test is used to monitor your:
- Response to treatment
- Status of your cancer
- Possibility of early recurrence
With all the aches and pains I’ve been having
With all the stress and depression I’ve been fighting
I’ve been Very Very worried…
But these results help ease my mind.
Taking a breath
Relaxing
Destressing
Its all good…
It Will Be Good.
Visualizing my Dragons
My Warrior Dragons
Burning
Never Stopping.
Tags: Tumor Markers
Posted in Burzynski Clinic, Coping, Dr. A. Khan, Dr. L. Deleon, Results, Stress, Tests, happiness, tired | 3 Comments »
Sunday, January 17th, 2010
All the aches and pains are scaring me
I have barely been able to function
I hope this is weather-related
all the cold
and the front that had barreled through
My breast is still hurting
and I think the lump has grown some
I’m not totally sure
but it seems that it might have.
And now I have a new pain in my breast area
a sharp pain
when I move in certain ways
not sure what is about
I’m scared
I just want to stay in bed
even though I know
it’s not the best thing to do.
Tags: aches and pain, breast pain
Posted in Cancer, Emotions, Stress, Undetermined Changes, scared, tired | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, January 13th, 2010
A few days back
I wrote about how I was having
breast pain
and I still am
now
I also ache
my joints
my bones
my spine
my tailbone
my long bones
It hurts
to climb the stairs
to bend to sit
to extend to rise
It aches to move
I have a headache
that feels like an electric current
running through my brain
is this some weird recurrence of reaction
to one of the meds
excessive bone and joint pain
muscle aches
or
is this the drop
of the other shoe
it always drops
is this the drop?
I just want to stay in bed.
Tags: aches and pain, breast pain
Posted in Cancer, Stress, Undetermined Changes, scared, tired | 2 Comments »
Thursday, December 24th, 2009
Another emotional roller coaster of a day.
The cold is settling in…
I feel it
in my body
in my heart
in my soul
I feel it
I will be glad when this season is over
When the festivities and celebrations have passed
When the joy is a blurred memory
When the memories of my hopes and dreams are
no more than dust
no longer shards
piercing my heart
I feel it
the cold front moving in
The wind is whipping up
The trees are blowing from side to side
I can imagine that it might even howl later
A fitting sound for my mood
I covered the plants in the front, but have not the energy to finish the ones in the back. I lost some in the last freeze, I can only guess I will loose more in this one. I no longer have the energy to do everything.
Depression sucks almost as much as cancer.
Merry Christmas Eve.
Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack
Posted in Coping, Emotions, Stress, depression, frustration, heartbroken, loneliness, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, tired | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
INTERVIEW UPDATE #3: Latest update to last update from Lisa Davis of “Its Your Health Radio“:
“No shows tomorrow (Dec 24) due to technical difficulties. Sorry again Denise. Everyone have a great holiday!”
Soooo… my radio interview is postponed again ~sigh~
HOPING that my time will come.
Will be Grateful when it does!
TeamDenise…
Tags: Dec 2009 interview, interview, It's Your Health Radio, Its Your Health, Lisa Davis, radio interview
Posted in Aminocare A10, Antineoplaston Therapy, Burzynski Clinic, Burzynski Clinic Doctors, Dr. S. Burzynski, Gene Therapy Drugs, Getting The Word Out, Other Things, Stress, frustration, tired | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
My PCP’s office faxed my lab results…
Last Friday (Dec 18 2009), I had the bloodwork drawn to track my tumor markers. It was draw #8. I’ve been having pretty good results to-date, some ups some downs, some increases that I am concerned about…
This blood draw was for the monthly tests (most specifically my CEA Tumor Markers).
* April 15, my baseline CEA tumor markers were 63.1 ng/mL (nanograms per milliliter). This is High, as Norm is 0.0-3.0 ng/mL.
I honestly don’t know how high “really high” is, but – in my internet searching – I read one gal talk about the mid-200’s, so I guess my high is not That high, but It’s High To me.
* June 03, my 2nd draw CEA tumor markers were 35.9 ng/mL
* July 03, my 3rd draw CEA tumor markers were 12.8 ng/mL
* August 27, my 4th draw CEA tumor markers were 3.9 ng/mL
* September 18, my 5th draw CEA tumor markers were 3.3 ng/mL
* October 16, my 6th CEA tumor markers were 3.2 ng/mL
* November 20, my 7th CEA tumor markers were 2.7 ng/mL
* December 18, my 8th CEA tumor markers are 2.8 ng/mL
This is a .1 INCREASE from last month, but still has me within the Normal range.
As always, I’m unsure, but this (CEA: The Test) continues to answer Some of my questions…
Still hoping that this all means Something Good… I can’t help but be cautious cuz the other shoe always falls for me. Always.
My Other Numbers as of December 18 2009 blood test results:
* CA-125: 14 U/mL (Reference @ 0-35)
a 3 point INCREASE – up from 11 U/mL from November’s draw… I’m not happy, but am still well within the normal range, in fact is very low normal range. But another increase Does worry me.
* CA 15-3: 20 U/mL (Reference @ <32)
a 1 point DECREASE – down from from 21 U/mL from November’s draw; I’m still within the normal range.
* CA 27.29 (see CA15-3 above): 31 U/mL (Reference @ <38)
a 4 point INCREASE – up from 27 U/mL from November’s draw. These increases scare me, though I am still within (high) normal range.
The CA 27.29 test is used to monitor your:
- Response to treatment
- Status of your cancer
- Possibility of early recurrence
Try and relax
Don’t stress the body
Don’t stress the mind
Don’t think about not having a job, Mr. Sack, the total and complete devastation of all my hopes and dreams.
Just don’t think about it all.
Yah, right.
I am so scared. Never stop being scared. Never stop reaching out… to find… no one
Visualizing my Dragons
my Warrior Dragons
Please don’t stop burning.
Please.Don’t.Stop.
Tags: Tumor Markers
Posted in Burzynski Clinic, Coping, Dr. A. Khan, Dr. L. Deleon, Results, Stress, Tests, scared, tired | 1 Comment »
Monday, December 21st, 2009
I can see that this Christmas will be one of the worse of my life.
It should have been one of the best.
But it will not.
I should be with people I love
who love me
But will not.
I should be happy and joyous.
But am not.
Posted in Coping, Dad, Emotions, Family, Mom, Stress, anger, depression, frustration, loneliness, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, tired | No Comments »
Sunday, December 20th, 2009
This whole situation with finding someone to care for my Pups for a few days so that I can get to Corpus is very stressful. Everyone I know is gone or will be gone. For Goodness Sakes – It’s Christmas!
Wish my Dad would let me bring them, they are very housebroken and are good girls. I grew up with dogs, so having dogs just comes “natural”. Though I CAN understand how my Folks do not want the bother, responsibility, expense of pets since they are older. They have a cat who is not much trouble.
Not like dogs.
But it Would Only be for a few days, and they are housebroken, very sweet and fairly well behaved. And I would be taking care of them.
Kinda weird to realize that having no dogs in their home is more important than having me there for Christmas.
Kinda weird
Kinda hurtful.
Tags: Pups
Posted in Dad, Family, Mom, Stress, frustration, sadness | 1 Comment »
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
About 2am I started feeling crummy – most probably from the infusion yesterday. Took some Tylenol and went back to sleep. I’ve been feeling crummy all day. Just hanging out at home.
I’ve been trying to find someone to watch the Pups, but everyone already has plans. People make their Holiday plans long in advance. They have their own Families and their own plans. And those plans do not include watching my Puppy Girls…
I’m gonna have my bag packed Just In Case Mom & Dad decide that they can “tolerate” my 2 dogs so that I can go and be with them in Corpus for Christmas. I’ll be ready to go!
This is a very difficult Christmas for me – with everything that has happened this past year – and I would Like to be with my Folks.
I’m understanding my Folks less and less… but I am still hoping…
Tags: Christmas 2009, Pups
Posted in Coping, Dad, Emotions, Family, Mom, Overload, Pets, Stress, anger, depression, frustration, loneliness, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, tired, venting | No Comments »
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
Got a letter today, from Texas Workforce Commission, which indicates that I am “approved” for unemployment benefits.
Perhaps I can take a breather for a bit…?
Tags: employment, job, unemployment
Posted in Coping, Other Things, Stress, frustration | No Comments »
