Mom Category

Friday, April 24th, 2009

Chemo Phase I, #4 – April 23 2009

It gets harder each time.  Harder and Harder

Longer to recover.

My body aches,my muscles, my bones, my head. The dizziness, round and round…
Harder to drag myself out of bed.
Out of bed, where I want to stay.
To sleep
Forever

It would be so easy to give up
After everything that’s happened this past week
But I can’t.
I won’t.
I will not.

The anti-nausea meds keep the vomiting at bay, but not the feeling of nauseousness… not the reaction of my body to attempt to rid itself of this evil fluid.  The natural reaction.

The damage this poisoning is doing will be with me for years…

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Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

Burzynski Clinic – Appointment

April 15.  Tax Day.  Day of Reckoning…

Mom and I went for the appointment at Burzynski Clinic.  What an experience.

First and Foremost – the feeling of Hope there is overwhelming.  There is no smell of chemo, no sense of doom.

We met with Dr. Lordes Deleon, who would be my primary physician; Dr. Fu, an oncologist who came to The Clinic from MD Anderson; and Dr. Burzynski, himself.

It was a long time, took most of the day.  And turned out to be very emotional.  Eye-opening.

We had to go through financial planning, to be sure that I could afford the treatments.  I don’t know how I will, but if I decide that this is the path for me to follow, I will have to find a way.

The final meeting with the Drs was the most relevant.

As we’re sitting there talking, Dr Burzynski keeps mentioning “the spread of the disease”.

what…?

“the spread of the disease within your body…”

what…?

So I am sitting there looking like a fool as the Drs inform me that there is a high possibility that the cancer has spread to my bones – specifically my spine – and to my chest cavity.

what…?

Dr Burzynski looks at me and says “surely you knew, surely your Dr told you of this?”

what…?

So, as Mom and I are sitting there, we all go over the results of the initial PET scan, the one that Dr Keller had read to us.

* At least 6 lymph nodes affected, with a stew of 7-10.

* Multiple left axillary adenopathy with difuse scattered activity within multiple nodes.

* Abnormal tracer accumulation in the mediastinum predominate pretracheal and subcarinal regions suggestive of subtle metatastic adenopathy disease in this region.

* Minimal scattered activity within what appears to be either the EG junciton or the thoracic psine as previously noted consideration to bone scan may be of further benefit to evaluate for an subtle osseous metastasis.

* Minimal scattered activity in the region of the EG junction which is difficult to evaluate if this is esophagus versus osseous abnormality and correlation with bone scan is suggested.

The Burzynski Clinic Drs are amazed that we don’t know this information, that Dr Keller didn’t go over all this with us.

Bottom line:
* The lymph node activity is much more than “2″ that Keller had told us.
* There is suggestion that the cancer may have spread to my bones and perhaps to my chest cavity.
* Several times in the report, the Radiologist suggest a bone scan – nothing was said by Keller.

Further tests are Definitely needed.

Keller simply neglected to mention this information to us…

Lovely.

Needless to say, I’m in a Total State of Shock…

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Monday, April 13th, 2009

Chemo Follow-up #2 – Dr. Casimir

Today had follow-up #2 with the oncologist, Dr Casimir of Northwest Cancer Center.

Again, I spent more time with the nurse, Katy, than with the Dr herself.  Again – not much confidence.

I mentioned that I was still experiencing heart issues – palpitations, skipped beats, extra beats, racing.  Katy asked if they had done an EKG on me, I said no.  Nothing else was said about that.

I mentioned that I was still on my vitamin regime.  Katy seemed somewhat surprised to hear this, and stressed that I needed to stop taking vitamins as, according to Katy, vitamins lessen the effectiveness of chemotherapy.

WTH?  Seven weeks into chemo and this is just now being brought up.  I’ve never made a secret that I have, for the majority of my adult life, been on a progressive vitamin regime, and Now I’m told it works against chemo?  Just another reason for me to see chemo as an antiquated treatment and Dr. Casimir’s thinking as confined within “The Box”.

Regardless, I brought an “offering” of sorts for the Dr, a gift… a cute pink shoe/purse magnet set, since she is such a shoe fan.  Hoping, I guess, for some acknowledgment as a patient.

Maybe if I had insurance, maybe if I wasn’t there as a beggar.
And beggars can’t be choosers…

When I asked, I did get official notification that I am a Stage 3B.  About Flipping Time it was mentioned.

I looked up breast cancer stages, and got the following info…

Cancer stage is based on the size of the tumor, whether the cancer is invasive or non-invasive, whether lymph nodes are involved, and whether the cancer has spread beyond the breast.

Stage IIIB describes invasive breast cancer in which:

  • the tumor may be any size and has spread to the chest wall and/or skin of the breast AND
  • may have spread to axillary lymph nodes that are clumped together or sticking to other structures, or cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near the breastbone
  • Inflammatory breast cancer is considered at least stage IIIB.

Lovely.


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Saturday, April 11th, 2009

Chemo Phase I, #3 – April 09 2009

I am told that each time will be more difficult to recover from.  And it’s proving to be correct.

I ache with every movement. Skin, muscles, bones crawl with pain.  There is no comfort.

The dizziness catches me off guard, yet I should be prepared for it.  The headache is the stern reminder of what is coming. Throbbing.  Pounding.  Stabbing.

My body wretches with the urgency to expel this poison from my system.

This burning

searing

poisonous

liquid.

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Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Total Shave

I had my head shaved after work today.  As quickly as it was falling out, it was time to shave it all off.

Mom went with me to Maribel’s Great Cuts and Maribel shaved it for me.  It was difficult, but kind of a relief to get that completed.  No more funky colors or cuts, just nothing…


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Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

Mohawk

I had 2 large bald spots on either side of my head…

Picture 1 of 7

so I decided to go on and get a “mohawk”, or as much of one as what was left of my hair would allow…

Picture 1 of 23

Mom and I went to Maribel’s again – that should go without saying by now…

Later, we went to Christine & Rob’s, where Christine helped Mom to dye my mohawk strip a neon blue.

Picture 1 of 16

It was a busy evening… Good times with breast cancer…

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Monday, March 30th, 2009

Buzz Cut

My hair is falling out fast and furious now, so I went and got a buzz cut after work today at Maribel’s Great Cuts.  It was pretty emotional… I tried to be light hearted about it, everyone reminds me that this is temporary, that it will grow back…but still…

Picture 1 of 26

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Saturday, March 28th, 2009

Chemo Phase I, #2 – March 26 2009

Thursday was my second treatment of the A/C combo (Adriamycin, aka Red Devil and Cytoxan).

Mom and I bring games to play, while we’re waiting., to try and pass the time, to take my mind off of what is going into my body.

Watching that red liquid flow into my port is terrifying.  The taste in my mouth is noxious.  As advanced as we, as a civilization, are, WHY are we Still utilizing a treatment option that was given to the previous generations?  It Can’t be because it works, because it kills as it “cures”.

I’m tired and there are no answers.

I’m going back to bed…

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Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

In The Pinks

I know I’m gonna loose my hair.  Damn Chemo.  Might as well have “a lil fun”…

Decided to dye my hair Hot Neon Pink.  Have always wanted to do something “crazy” like this, just never had the nerve.  Now I don’t need the nerve.

I checked with Tom, my boss at work, to be sure that there’d be no issue with my doing this.  He is So Awesome.  He told to to Go Ahead, to do what I needed to do to get through the situation.  Very Supportive.

Mom helped with this…


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Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

My Folks

I really can’t write about this journey without including the 2 people who support me the most – my Mom & Dad.

My Folks currently live in Corpus Christi, Texas – have been there since 2004.  They are 71 and 75 respectively and have been married for going on 50 years.

My Dad still works full time – probably always will – he is like that.  He’s a mechanical engineer, primarily in the oil industry.

My Mom is more than a housewife – she is a volunteer for the American Cancer Society in Corpus.  She was Volunteer of the Year for 2008.

Mom & Dad’s home is right on the water, on the Bay.  My Mom loves the water, she says it’s healing, it’s soothing… There’s a small sandbar on the water’s edge right behind their house and they get all types of Texas Coastal bird life.  Some sea life too. It’s a silty sandy bottom and you can wade out into the bay up to your waist. I think I’d prefer to have on hipwaders for any length of time, but from what I’ve seen it’s some good fishing.

My Parents have had a full and interesting life – living overseas for many years.  They have definitely experienced life’s ups and downs, highs and lows; but they always hold on to each other and manage to make the best of whatever situation they are in.  They have a zest for the enjoyment of life.  I’m fortunate to have seen this as an example.

I’m lucky to not only Love my Parents, but to also Like them.  They are Good People.  And I’m so glad they are here with me in this situation.  It’s good to feel The Love.

Both my Folks are cancer Survivors.  My Mom is a 26yr Bi-lateral breast cancer Survivor – Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma, same as I have; my Dad is a 27yr Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and a 3yr Hodgkin Lymphoma Survivor.  Neither one had chemo, both had radiation.

Yah, I’ve got some bad cancer-prone genes, but I’m got some Major Survivor Genes too. Let’s Hope They Kick In Big Time.

Mom & Dad – Thanks for Being Here for Me, I Love Y’all!

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