tired Category
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
About 2am I started feeling crummy – most probably from the infusion yesterday. Took some Tylenol and went back to sleep. I’ve been feeling crummy all day. Just hanging out at home.
I’ve been trying to find someone to watch the Pups, but everyone already has plans. People make their Holiday plans long in advance. They have their own Families and their own plans. And those plans do not include watching my Puppy Girls…
I’m gonna have my bag packed Just In Case Mom & Dad decide that they can “tolerate” my 2 dogs so that I can go and be with them in Corpus for Christmas. I’ll be ready to go!
This is a very difficult Christmas for me – with everything that has happened this past year – and I would Like to be with my Folks.
I’m understanding my Folks less and less… but I am still hoping…
Tags: Christmas 2009, Pups
Posted in anger, Coping, Dad, depression, Emotions, Family, frustration, loneliness, Mom, Overload, overwhelming, Pets, rejection, sadness, scared, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
My hair is growing back pretty well.
It’s thick
and curly
and puffy
not like it was before
straight
I look like I stuck my thumb in my mouth
and blew
and my hair popped out
like a big dandelion puff
maybe someone will walk up
and blow
and puff all my chemo hair
away
Tags: hair, Hair changes
Posted in Chemo Side Effects, Coping, sadness, tired | No Comments »
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
Tonight is the monthly gaming party for our social gaming group.
The theme is “Breakfast for dinner”, so the food served will be breakfast foods. And the attire is Family-Friendly PJs. We will also be having a gift swap of game-related gifts.
I am bringing a fruit salad and croissants. Also mini cinnamon waffles with a dip.
Its a yearly tradition and I usually look forward to it.
TRYING to find some spirit.
Tags: board game, boardgames, party
Posted in depression, Emotions, loneliness, sadness, tired, Totally Non-cancer Related | No Comments »
Friday, December 11th, 2009
I have no Christmas Spirit.
I just don’t care.
My last few years have been such a roller coaster…
* Reconnecting with Mr. Sack in mid 2007
* Planning for a new life in a new city with the man I had held in my heart for over 30 yrs.
* Found the lump Feb 2008
* March 2008, after numerous reassurances that my weight was not an issue, even though I had lost 40lbs, Mr. Sack decided that I was fatter than he remembered, but he would “try and work through it”.
* Thinking I was fighting a “staph infection” for 8+ months with a plethora of antibiotics.
* The accidental loss of my beloved cat, Hardy, in Nov 2008 to a dog I had rescued several months earlier.
* Having to put Cole down because he had killed Hardy and I couldn’t find anyone to take him and I couldn’t keep him any longer.
* Diagnosed with cancer late Feb 2009.
* Dumped by Mr. Sack late April 2009.
* The discovery that several people whom I thought were Friends were not.
* Reconnecting with old Friends and finding strength in them.
* Loosing a job that I enjoyed, with a group of people who provided me with great spiritual and emotional strength and reassurance, which I truly truly appreciated.
Not to mentioned the numerous other “small” yet aggravating things that have continuously beaten me down.
All the time I am fighting this fight.
I just have no spirit left.
None.
Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack
Posted in anger, Cancer, Coping, depression, despair, Emotions, frustration, heartbroken, loneliness, Overload, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
Second week without my job
Second week
I feel so deflated
I’m trying to “get going”
but I am so very tired of being knocked down and getting back up
Over and over
and over
again
can’t I just stay down?
Tags: job, unemployment
Posted in Coping, depression, Emotions, employment, Overload, rejection, sadness, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »
Monday, December 7th, 2009
So starts my second week of unemployment…
I miss the camaraderie
I miss the emotional support
I miss the spiritual support
Being laid off sucks
Being laid off for no good reason sucks
Still sucks.
Tags: employment, job, unemployment
Posted in anger, Coping, depression, Emotions, frustration, sadness, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »
Saturday, December 5th, 2009
Only its not hairs that are splitting,
it’s now the skin on my feet that is splitting.
The past 3 weeks it was my fingers – spits on my fingertips and along my cuticles that made it necessary to wear band-aids and finger cots to protect my fingers.
Now it is my feet.
Especially my heels
Painful splits
Until now, it seemed that I might be able to “dodge” the Hand-Foot Syndrome that is one of the side effects of the Xeloda that I’m taking.
I’m slathering my feet with cream and aloe gel and then sleeping with socks over all that.
Offering some relief, but still is painful.
I’m literally walking on eggshells.
At least it Feels like it.
Painfully painfully so…
Tags: Hand-Foot Syndrome, splits, Xeloda
Posted in Coping, Dealing with Gene Therapy Drug Reactions, frustration, Gene Therapy Drug Reactions, sadness, Stress, tired | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 30th, 2009
OMG
Today was Soooo bad.
It Just Sucked.
Seeing everyone who knew
was so hard.
Gong through my office one final time
was so hard.
Being there
was so hard.
I had to talk with my Manager, who had been out of town.
That was the last talk I ever wanted to have.
And I felt so betrayed.
I know it was out of his hands
But I would have thought that I deserved some notice of what was happening.
I would have Thought that.
THEN I find out that the employee who took the position
was not
an internal employee.
No.
She is a New Hire.
I have been with the company for 9 years.
I have worked this project for 20 months.
Yet
Someone who has never worked for the company
Who has not worked the project
Is deemed “a better fit” than I would be.
a better fit…
And all this was done within 2 weeks of my interview.
Within 2 weeks of the job I didn’t get…
So
Today Sucked.
Tags: employment, job, job interview, unemployment
Posted in anger, Coping, Emotions, employment, frustration, Other Things, Overload, sadness, Stress, tired, venting | 1 Comment »
