scared Category

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

PASSED: Robert Mosbacher (pancreatic cancer)

Robert Mosbacher Sr., a Houston oil multimillionaire who served as U.S. Commerce secretary under his close friend, President George H.W. Bush, has died at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. He was 82.

Mosbacher died after a yearlong battle with pancreatic cancer.

Articles:
ABC 13 Local Houston
Wikipedia
NY Times

Robert Mosbacher , 1927 – 2010

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Sunday, January 24th, 2010

Lessening

I woke this morning
with no headache
and no numbness
Yay.

Though my brain feels “sore”

My muscles and joints
don’t hurt as bad
nor does my breast
though there is still pain there.
still…

I am working on my eBay today…

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Friday, January 22nd, 2010

Rescheduling – Zometa infusion 8

I’m very concerned about the current
changes in
my breast
and the
pain in
my breast
my chest
my joints
my muscles
my long bones
my headaches

I moved up my monthly blood draw and
Zometa infusion to today
Though when I went to the Center, I discovered that
I was supposed to be there last Friday…
Oops

Anyway
Hope to have the blood work back by Tuesday.

My next PET/CT scan is scheduled for
the end of February
but I left a message with Dr. DeLeon
that I want to move it to ASAP.

Hope to have that done by next
Wednesday, so we can get the
results by Friday.

Then we can see what is happening.

And make some
changes, decisions
if needed.

But for tonight
Christine called
so I am going to have dinner
with Her & Rob
then to their home
and play some games

I need the company.

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Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

A Precarious Situation…?

Got up early today and went to Curves,
I’m enjoying the exercise
but
I was supposed to have
items up for sale on eBay by now

I have not

I am very concerned about the
Changes in the lump in my breast
Scared
Petrified

It seems that it is becoming
swollen
a feeling of
fullness
each day
and the pain
jabs
are still there
a feeling of
a pulled muscle
in the breast

I’m sure that
the stresses from everything
are contributing factors

The depression from
Loss of my job
The depression from
Christmas and New Year
Being alone

The month of
Eating
Drinking
Doing
Things I should not have

Easy to say that
I need to
Take better care
of myself

Easy to say
unless it is
too late…?

A possibility…

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Sunday, January 17th, 2010

More Aches and Pains

All the aches and pains are scaring me

I have barely been able to function

I hope this is weather-related
all the cold
and the front that had barreled through

My breast is still hurting
and I think the lump has grown some
I’m not totally sure
but it seems that it might have.

And now I have a new pain in my breast area
a sharp pain
when I move in certain ways
not sure what is about

I’m scared
I just want to stay in bed
even though I know
it’s not the best thing to do.

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Sunday, January 17th, 2010

UPDATE: Dad – Carotid Stenosis

Talked with my Mom today
and she brought me up to date on
my Dad’s current health situation.

They are going to the Dr on Jan 22
to discuss an angiogram
which will diagnose exactly
how much blockage there is in his
carotid artery
and then whether he will pursue carotid angioplasty or stenting

There IS a Possibility that the Doppler sonogram test that showed this extensive blockage gave a bad read, but with the dizziness that he has been experiencing, that is probably not the case. HOWEVER, the Doppler that he had 6 months ago didn’t show any issues, so Something is wrong…

Regarding his second rotator cuff surgery recovery – that seems to be doing well. He was a bit “gun shy” in doing his PT exercises since the first time (surgery) he re-injured the shoulder and required this second surgery. But Mom and the orthopedic Dr had a talk with him, so he has stepped up to the required PT now.

Praying for good news somewhere…

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Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Aches and Pains

A few days back
I wrote about how I was having
breast pain
and I still am

now
I also ache
my joints
my bones

my spine
my tailbone
my long bones

It hurts
to climb the stairs
to bend to sit
to extend to rise

It aches to move

I have a headache
that feels like an electric current
running through my brain

is this some weird recurrence of reaction
to one of the meds
excessive bone and joint pain
muscle aches

or
is this the drop
of the other shoe
it always drops
is this the drop?

I just want to stay in bed.

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Thursday, January 7th, 2010

Dad’s Health: Carotid Stenosis

My Dad has been having some dizziness when standing, went to the Dr and has been diagnosed with Carotid Artery Stenosis – clogged carotid artery. It’s pretty bad – between 60% – 70% blockage.

“Carotid artery stenosis is the narrowing of the carotid arteries. These are the main arteries in the neck that supply blood to the brain. Carotid artery stenosis, also called carotid artery disease, is a major risk factor for ischemic stroke. (This is the most common form of stroke and is usually caused by a blood clot plugging an artery.)

The narrowing is usually caused by plaque in a blood vessel. Plaque forms when cholesterol, fat and other substances build up in the inner lining of an artery. This process is called atherosclerosis.”

Dad and Mom are now discussing the options of endarterectomy versus stenting.

Mom is being pulled in many directions – Dad’s sudden health issues, her Father’s death and his financial issues…
and me and my issues.
She’s not gonna be able to do everything.
Dad is a priority
the financial issues need to be resolved
and I am 4 hours away from those matters.

Its not fair, but thats how it is.

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Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

PASSED: Shawn Felty (colon cancer)

When I heard of this loss today, I just cried and cried. I did not personally know Shawn Felty, but – despite his own battle with colon cancer – he went out of his way to donate to my fund, and to offer words of encouragement. I sent a “Thank You” as I truly was grateful, but I did not keep in touch with him. I have let my battle overshadow the fact that I should keep in touch with the people who have reached out to me.

It is no excuse, it is simply fact. It is difficult when you are struggling to do everything yourself, everything by yourself, and are so tired by the end of the day, so tired by the beginning of the day, so tired to add more to the list… I will strive to do better… somehow…

“On December 13, 2009 at 4:30 pm, Shawn Felty passed peacefully surrounded by family and close friends. He was loved by many, with nearly 100 teammates, fellow actors, colleagues, cancer survivors, cancer fighters, Colondar models and friends visiting him over the last few days. For two years he battled this disease with incredible strength and extraordinary grace and he was inspiration to all who knew him. The world lost an amazing man today, but he left behind a perfect example of perseverance, fortitude and friendship.”

Shawn’s Blog: All It Takes Is Guts – please read Shawn’s writings, he Truly was an Amazing person.

Shawn Felty, 1969 – 2010

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Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

Falling

i feel like i am
Falling
Back into
A pattern of
Normalcy
Which
Concerns me
Because i
Need to be
Alert
Vigilant
No time for
Lackadaisical
Meandering
No time for
Forgetting
That I am
Fighting.

This is
Serious
My
Life.

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