overwhelming Category

Monday, August 17th, 2009

Exhaustion

I am So Exhausted.  So Freaking Exhausted

Seems everything I need to do is a effort… Every.Simple.Thing.

Simply waking up and getting going in the morning just wears me out.  By the time I take my shower, put on my make-up, get dressed, feed the cat and dogs, take all my pills and eat breakfast, I am ready to collapse.  Walking down the stairs wears me out.

I just want someone to hold me and tell me it’s gonna be alright… But that’s not gonna happen anytime soon.

I am physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

The physical part is due to the drugs that I am taking to fight this cancer, this beast cancer.  The emotional and spiritual part… well, that’s due to everything else associated with the beast.

The drugs specifically are Tarceva, Zolinza, Xeloda and Sodium Phenylbutrate.  Ok, so ALL of the drugs that I’m taking daily have “weakness”, “tired” as a side effect.  Lovely.

A lot of my exhaustion is due to the Sodium Phenylbutrate cuz of the depletion of the Glutamine in my body.  While Glutamine deficiency is rare, when it’s being purposefully depleted from your body the results are very much felt.  Plus the fact that I’m supposed to be following a low protein diet (which I’m doing my best at) does not help with alleviating the symptoms…

I am just overwhelmingly exhausted.

But I have to keep going.

Occasionally I just want to chow down on a big, thick, rare steak.
Continuously I just want to crawl back in bed.
  ~sigh~

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Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

Alone Again, Naturally

When I was at the Houston Medical Imaging having the PET/CT and Bone Scan done, I noticed the number of couples there…

Reminded me of MD Anderson and all the couples I saw there.

There was a sweet couple who was in the waiting room, sharing a loveseat.  He was holding her, and she had her head on his shoulder..  I’m not sure who they were there for, her or him, but you could tell he was very protective of her.

And there I was… as always… Alone again.

I wanted to cry.
I did inside.

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

Heartache…

Sometimes… often… I feel so alone and so isolated that it feels as though my heart, my soul, is literally dying in my chest… and I just don’t know how much longer… if… I can continue with this.

This is such a hard fight… and to do it alone is so very difficult.  And not fair. This whole thing is not fair, the past 2 years have not been fair.

The pain is almost too much to bear.

Just gotta keep going.

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Monday, June 29th, 2009

This Week In cancer

It’s WTH… seems like an abnormal number of cancer deaths this past week… or is it just that I am more aware… becoming more aware each day…

I’ve got to stop taking these so personally… but it’s difficult not to when I am fighting this fight myself.  Everything has changed since I got diagnosed.  Well, not immediately, but as more time passes and as I become more aware of… of the fact that this is a very tough fight and not everyone makes it… it’s difficult to see these people passing – dying – and not to take it personally, to not be scared… petrified.

I want to have Faith, but how do I have Faith when I Am Not Ready?  I look around and see all that I have Not accomplished, but do I have time?  Do I have time to make up for poor choices?  There is no “undo”, no “redo”, this is it… Do I have time…?

I want to just stand up and scream… I AM NOT READY.

How do I get ready when I don’t want to…?

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Sunday, June 28th, 2009

PASSED: Dr. Jerri Nielsen FitzGerald (recurring breast cancer)

NEWS:  Dr. In S. Pole Rescue Loses Cancer Battle

One minute you’re “Up” with Joy and Hope, the next minute you read something like this and its a Horrible Crash of emotion… this cancer is Such An Evil Disease. Another Warrior with a (seemingly) strong and supportive partner.

Dr. In S. Pole Rescue Loses Cancer Battle
Dr. Jerri Nielsen FitzGerald Was The Center Of A Dramatic 1999 Rescue
BOSTON, June 24, 2009

(CBS/AP)

Her husband, Thomas FitzGerald, says she died Tuesday at their home in Southwick, Mass. The cause was cancer.

Nielsen was the only doctor at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station when she found a lump in her breast in June 1999, raising fears of cancer. Weather conditions didn’t permit a rescue, so she performed a biopsy on herself with the help of staff.

She began treating herself using drugs dropped by parachute in the dark polar winter in July, in a mission documented by CBS News.

Despite her illness Nielsen kept busy with her duties up until she left the South Pole, her sister-in-law, Diana Cahill, told CBS News in 1999.

“She didn’t have time to focus on her condition at all. She’s a very giving person,” Cahill said.

Following the dramatic airlift, she told The Vindictor newspaper she wanted to return to the Antarctic.

“It was such a wonderful place. I still love it. I would do it again. Even knowing what happened to me, it was the best year of my life,” Nielsen told the newspaper.

Her cancer went into remission until 2005.

Jerri Nielsen FitzGerald, 1952 – 2009

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Sunday, June 28th, 2009

NEWS: PARP Inhibitors Working Against Inherited Cancers

More UNBELIEVEABLE Information!  This has been a Very Special Week in the War Against Cancer!!

I NEED to find out if this cancer I have is inherited.  I’m guessing that it is Very Possible, since Mom had the Same type of cancer 26yrs ago…

June 25th, 2009
PARP inhibitors working against inherited cancers
Posted by Dana Blankenhorn @ 6:29 am

If a genetic condition leads to cancer there is new hope in a class of drugs called PARP inhibitors.

Poly (ADP-Ribose) Polymerase (PARP) is a protein cells use to repair genetic injuries naturally. But cancer cells also use this protein to repair their own DNA damage. Inhibiting this action allows chemotherapy and radiation to do its job against cancers resulting from genetic mutation.

In a study causing much excitement in the cancer-fighting world (CBS called this the “holy grail” of cancer research, thus the French Taunter above) scientists at the Institute of Cancer Research in Sutton, England gave 19 patients with advanced cancers caused by mutations in the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes a PARP inhibitor and over half saw their tumors shrink or stop growing.

The drug had no effect on 41 patients whose tumors were not the result of the genetic defect.

The big excitement is that PARP inhibitors can be designed against other forms of inherited cancer. They are already being tested against a form of breast cancer. And there are few side effects — you take a pill twice a day and may get some indigestion.

The new drug has the name olaparib. The full article is now in front of the New England Journal of Medicine firewall.

The Royal Marsden NHS Foundation Trust, which worked with the Netherlands Cancer Institute and drug maker KuDOS Pharmaceuticals, now owned by AstraZeneca, is a charitable group affiliated with that nation’s National Health Service. They would welcome your contribution.

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Sunday, June 28th, 2009

NEWS: New Drugs Could Transform Cancer Treatment

OMG, the implications of this study!!!  I can’t stop crying, can’t stop hoping…  THANKS to Vicki for sharing this info with me at the Baby Shower yesterday!!!

I’ve GOT to find out if/how I can qualify for clinical trials!!!

PARP inhibitors appear to destroy disease, small but stunning study shows
Commentary
By Robert Bazell
Chief science and health correspondent
NBC News
4:13 p.m. CT, Wed., June 24, 2009

Just-released research about a new class of drugs called “PARP inhibitors” is the most exciting development in cancer research in a decade or more. In just a few years it could save thousands of lives.

In the longer term, the drugs could represent a transformational approach to understanding and treating several forms of the disease.

All this enthusiasm is based on a small report published today (June 24) in the New England Journal of Medicine. It focuses on one clinical trial in its earliest stage in 60 patients with breast, ovarian and prostate cancer. Some — but not all — of the patients whose cancers seemed hopeless saw them shrink drastically or disappear. Many avoided the typical side effects — nausea, hair loss — associated with cancer treatment.

Of course, as with any good science, it is not just that one report that generates such excitement. The new research builds on many years of solid basic science and on other clinical trials that are either completed or in progress, which appear to show similarly dramatic reduction of certain breast, ovarian and prostate cancers.

The story of PARP inhibitors began in the early 1990s, when some scientists realized that breast cancer ran in certain families, and that some of the women in those families had an extraordinarily high — as much as a 90 percent lifetime risk — of getting the disease. There was a frantic and well-publicized hunt for the “breast cancer gene.” The hope was that finding the gene could provide crucial information about the cause of breast cancer and how to treat it.

BRCA1, BRCA2 raise risk for breast cancer
In September 1994, scientists from a company called Myriad Genetics and government researchers simultaneously won the race. It turned out there were two genes called BRCA1 and BRCA2. As they studied the genes, the researchers learned that they account for between 5 and 10 percent of all breast cancers, as well as a similar percentage of ovarian cancers and prostate cancers in men who are born with the mutated gene.

The immediate result of the gene discovery was that families and individuals at high risk could find out when they were affected. That continues to this day. But for those at risk, the treatment options are limited: surgical removal or close monitoring of the organs that might become cancerous.

What initially eluded the scientists was how BRCA1 and BRCA2 caused cancer. “We found the breast cancer gene, but we don’t know how it causes breast cancer,” one scientist famously quipped.

Years of hard work eventually revealed the mechanism. BRCA1 and BRCA2 produce proteins that repair mistakes in DNA that occur continually as cells in the body multiply normally. If a person is born with one defective of copy of one of the genes, the cells continue to grow but there is a far greater chance that an error will occur in the DNA that will cause cancer to arise.

ARP inhibitors kill cancer cells
The next big discovery came in 2005 when scientists found in lab experiments that they could make a drug, called a PARP inhibitor, that would interfere with the normal copy of the protein made from BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes. If cells have defective genes, when the drug is added, the DNA cannot be repaired at all. As a result, the cells die. And that is how PARP inhibitors kill cancer cells.

In experiments so far, the drugs have worked only in people with BRCA 1 and BRCA2 mutations resulting in breast, ovarian and prostate cancers. But there is evidence they may work in people without the mutations — particularly in cases of ovarian cancer for which better treatments are desperately needed.

The story of the PARP inhibitors is fine example of how research can move from the laboratory bench to the bedside, and it also shows how long and difficult journey can be.

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