frustration Category
Thursday, December 24th, 2009
Another emotional roller coaster of a day.
The cold is settling in…
I feel it
in my body
in my heart
in my soul
I feel it
I will be glad when this season is over
When the festivities and celebrations have passed
When the joy is a blurred memory
When the memories of my hopes and dreams are
no more than dust
no longer shards
piercing my heart
I feel it
the cold front moving in
The wind is whipping up
The trees are blowing from side to side
I can imagine that it might even howl later
A fitting sound for my mood
I covered the plants in the front, but have not the energy to finish the ones in the back. I lost some in the last freeze, I can only guess I will loose more in this one. I no longer have the energy to do everything.
Depression sucks almost as much as cancer.
Merry Christmas Eve.
Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack
Posted in Coping, depression, Emotions, frustration, heartbroken, loneliness, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, Stress, tired | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
INTERVIEW UPDATE #3: Latest update to last update from Lisa Davis of “Its Your Health Radio“:
“No shows tomorrow (Dec 24) due to technical difficulties. Sorry again Denise. Everyone have a great holiday!”
Soooo… my radio interview is postponed again ~sigh~
HOPING that my time will come.
Will be Grateful when it does!
TeamDenise…
Tags: Dec 2009 interview, interview, It's Your Health Radio, Its Your Health, Lisa Davis, radio interview
Posted in Aminocare A10, Antineoplaston Therapy, Burzynski Clinic, Burzynski Clinic Doctors, Dr. S. Burzynski, frustration, Gene Therapy Drugs, Getting The Word Out, Other Things, Stress, tired | 1 Comment »
Monday, December 21st, 2009
The interview on “Its Your Health” radio has been canceled due to “technical difficulties”. With the bad weather that they are having up North, I’m not surprised…
Hopefully Lisa can schedule me in another time soon!
Tags: Dec 2009 interview, interview, It's Your Health Radio, Its Your Health, Lisa Davis, radio interview
Posted in Alternative Treatments, Aminocare A10, Antineoplaston Therapy, appreciation, Burzynski Clinic, Burzynski Clinic Doctors, Dr. S. Burzynski, frustration, Gene Therapy Drugs | 2 Comments »
Monday, December 21st, 2009
I can see that this Christmas will be one of the worse of my life.
It should have been one of the best.
But it will not.
I should be with people I love
who love me
But will not.
I should be happy and joyous.
But am not.
Posted in anger, Coping, Dad, depression, Emotions, Family, frustration, loneliness, Mom, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, Stress, tired | No Comments »
Sunday, December 20th, 2009
This whole situation with finding someone to care for my Pups for a few days so that I can get to Corpus is very stressful. Everyone I know is gone or will be gone. For Goodness Sakes – It’s Christmas!
Wish my Dad would let me bring them, they are very housebroken and are good girls. I grew up with dogs, so having dogs just comes “natural”. Though I CAN understand how my Folks do not want the bother, responsibility, expense of pets since they are older. They have a cat who is not much trouble.
Not like dogs.
But it Would Only be for a few days, and they are housebroken, very sweet and fairly well behaved. And I would be taking care of them.
Kinda weird to realize that having no dogs in their home is more important than having me there for Christmas.
Kinda weird
Kinda hurtful.
Tags: Pups
Posted in Dad, Family, frustration, Mom, sadness, Stress | 1 Comment »
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
About 2am I started feeling crummy – most probably from the infusion yesterday. Took some Tylenol and went back to sleep. I’ve been feeling crummy all day. Just hanging out at home.
I’ve been trying to find someone to watch the Pups, but everyone already has plans. People make their Holiday plans long in advance. They have their own Families and their own plans. And those plans do not include watching my Puppy Girls…
I’m gonna have my bag packed Just In Case Mom & Dad decide that they can “tolerate” my 2 dogs so that I can go and be with them in Corpus for Christmas. I’ll be ready to go!
This is a very difficult Christmas for me – with everything that has happened this past year – and I would Like to be with my Folks.
I’m understanding my Folks less and less… but I am still hoping…
Tags: Christmas 2009, Pups
Posted in anger, Coping, Dad, depression, Emotions, Family, frustration, loneliness, Mom, Overload, overwhelming, Pets, rejection, sadness, scared, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »
Friday, December 11th, 2009
I have no Christmas Spirit.
I just don’t care.
My last few years have been such a roller coaster…
* Reconnecting with Mr. Sack in mid 2007
* Planning for a new life in a new city with the man I had held in my heart for over 30 yrs.
* Found the lump Feb 2008
* March 2008, after numerous reassurances that my weight was not an issue, even though I had lost 40lbs, Mr. Sack decided that I was fatter than he remembered, but he would “try and work through it”.
* Thinking I was fighting a “staph infection” for 8+ months with a plethora of antibiotics.
* The accidental loss of my beloved cat, Hardy, in Nov 2008 to a dog I had rescued several months earlier.
* Having to put Cole down because he had killed Hardy and I couldn’t find anyone to take him and I couldn’t keep him any longer.
* Diagnosed with cancer late Feb 2009.
* Dumped by Mr. Sack late April 2009.
* The discovery that several people whom I thought were Friends were not.
* Reconnecting with old Friends and finding strength in them.
* Loosing a job that I enjoyed, with a group of people who provided me with great spiritual and emotional strength and reassurance, which I truly truly appreciated.
Not to mentioned the numerous other “small” yet aggravating things that have continuously beaten me down.
All the time I am fighting this fight.
I just have no spirit left.
None.
Tags: Christmas 2009, Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack
Posted in anger, Cancer, Coping, depression, despair, Emotions, frustration, heartbroken, loneliness, Overload, overwhelming, rejection, sadness, scared, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »
Monday, December 7th, 2009
So starts my second week of unemployment…
I miss the camaraderie
I miss the emotional support
I miss the spiritual support
Being laid off sucks
Being laid off for no good reason sucks
Still sucks.
Tags: employment, job, unemployment
Posted in anger, Coping, depression, Emotions, frustration, sadness, Stress, tired, venting | No Comments »
