anger Category
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
Happy Birthday, Mr. Sack.
I wish you the gift of devastation that you gave me – total and complete destruction of my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.
You Suck.
Tags: Cliff Grimes, Clifford F Grimes, Clifford Grimes, Dallas, Mr. Sack
Posted in anger, Emotions, heartbroken, rejection, sadness, Special People, Totally Non-cancer Related | No Comments »
Saturday, November 21st, 2009
I’m stunned.
Just walking around in a daze
I don’t think this has hit me yet
Cuz I’m not “feeling” it
I just feel
Blasted and
Stunned.
Tags: employment, ExxonMobil, job, unemployment
Posted in anger, Emotions, employment, frustration, Other Things, Overload, sadness, scared, Stress, tired, venting | 1 Comment »
Friday, November 20th, 2009
No Job For You.
That You
Would be Me.
Me
Suddenly.
Unexpectedly.
Without a Job.
I was informed today, before I left the office for my infusion, that my current contract will end on November 30 2009.
The contract company called and told me.
On the phone.
My Manager was out of the country on business, then on vacation.
The contract company told me.
On the phone.
My Manager has known since at least November 13th
At least 2 weeks ago
He had promised me
That he would always let me know
What was going on with the job situation
He didn’t say a word.
The contract company was the one who told me
On the phone.
I’m not understanding what happened…. I’ve been working this job for almost 2 years, and each review has been positive. Last yearly review, I got a $2/hr raise.
I was not told that the position was open so that I could apply for it.
I knew they were trying to open it,
But I didn’t know it had been done.
I.did.not.even.know.
My Supervisor, was also on vacation and called me asking what the heck was going on. When he left for vacation he said that he would be “unreachable” and only to contact him if it was a Total emergency. And he contacted me.
Wanting to know
What was happening.
This is a Huge stress for me.
This is a Huge stress for me emotionally,
This is a Huge stress for me financially,
This is a Huge stress for me health-wise.
This Stress is not good when fighting cancer
This Stress is not good in this battle
This has hit me with a Huge stress.
HOW am I gonna find another job with the support system that I had with this one? The support system that I Thought I had at this one…
Somehow, I can’t help but think that this has something to do with the interview I went on, when I disclosed that I am fighting cancer. Disclosed because I thought it was the ethical thing to do.
How Ethical Is This?
My cancer was something that the main HR did not know. The job I didn’t get. Just too much of a coincidence…
So… No Job For Me.
Happy Holidays to You Too, ExxonMobil.
What am I going to do…?
Tags: employment, ExxonMobil, job, unemployment
Posted in anger, Emotions, frustration, Overload, overwhelming, rejection, scared, Stress, tired, venting | 2 Comments »
Sunday, November 15th, 2009
Warriors
In Battle.
We are Warriors
In Battle.
I see
Warriors
Fellow Warriors
Stand up to battle
To battle
Again and again
Fighting the fight
Of life.
I see
This horrific
Battle
Has claimed
Many Warriors
Good Warriors
Strong Warriors
Beaten
Broken.
I see
Warriors
Battling
Battling on
I stand with them
Battling
Battling on.
I see
Warriors
Dropping
The sword
Dropping
To their
Knees
Dropping
Falling
Fallen, beaten, weary
Struggling
To battle.
I see
Warriors
Rising, weary, determined
Determined to fight
Another day
To fight
Another battle
Again
Another battle
Again.
Warriors
In battle.
I Am A Warrior.
I Am In Battle.
Tags: Warriors
Posted in anger, Cancer, Coping, Emotions, frustration, scared, strength, venting | 2 Comments »
Friday, November 13th, 2009
People like this make me sick. Here I am Struggling to survive, and this woman gets $10,000.00 in donations by LYING and spends them on Breast Implants?
WTH?
“McLennan County sheriff’s investigator James Pack says in court records that 24-year-old Trista Joy Lathern shaved her head to look like a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy.”

Trista Joy Lathern - Breast Cancer Scammer
WTH??
Woman Accused of Faking Breast Cancer for Implants
Did she fake breast cancer to get implants?
Trista Joy Lathern Gives Charity a Bad Name
I’d like to SUE this heiffer.
Tags: charity, faking breast cancer, Faking cancer, fraud, Liars, lying, scam, stealing, theft, Trista Joy Lathern
Posted in anger, breast cancer, Cancer, frustration, venting | No Comments »
Tuesday, September 8th, 2009
Since he helped before with my prescription of Zometa, I was presuming, assuming, hoping that my Primary Care Physician (PCP) would be amicable to handling the reorders (Rx refills) for the Tarceva, Zolinza, and Xeloda. This would eliminate the need to come up with the extra $1,500.00 that Burzynski Clinic is demanding in order to write my prescription refills. This would have taken a Huge stress off of me.
I had talked with the Drug Company PAP Reps and cleared with all to change the Doctor in charge of Rx reorders (refills) Dr from Burzynski to my PCP. All was good to go.
Guess I shoulda cleared with my PCP first and not ASS-U-M’ed, cuz I get the message that he is not good to go. He is not comfortable with writing Rx for cancer meds as he is an Internist and not an Oncologist.
So, I am back to dealing with the $1,500.00 “Medication Management” charge from Burzynski Clinic.
I am currently out of Xeloda, should have restarted today. But I have no reorder, no refill.
Unless I pay Burzynski Clinic the $1,500.00
They have me over a barrel.
Bending me.
Tags: Overload, Stress, Tarceva, Xeloda, Zolinza, Zometa
Posted in anger, Burzynski Clinic Financial Charges, Dr. R. Taylor, frustration, Gene Therapy Drugs, Overload, scared, Stress, tired, venting | 2 Comments »
Monday, September 7th, 2009
Yes, I know that everyone has pain in their lives
and not everyone complains.
Every day I take meds
to save my life
meds that kick my butt
and will continue to do so for months to come
meds that bring pain, exhaustion
a plethora of other unpleasant and debilitating symptoms
and I am rarely allowed to take anything for relief
because relief will possibility,
probably,
interfere with the meds
that are supposed to save my life.
Most people with pain
are able to get relief of some sort
I am not.
For the most part
I’m silent
I don’t mention
the pain
I don’t mention
the extent
I don’t mention it
at work
I don’t mention it
in my daily life.
So when I do complain
to my Family
to my Friends
within the supposed security
of those who I should feel safe around
to those I should feel safe to open to
when I do complain
that I hurt
when I do complain
how bad I hurt
don’t tell me
your pain
don’t tell me
that everyone has pain
don’t tell me
that others don’t complain
don’t tell me
to get over it
don’t tell me
to deal with it.
Just try to be a little
sympathetic
or at least
Fake it.
Tags: complaining, Sodium Phenylbutrate, Tarceva, Xeloda, Zolinza, Zometa
Posted in anger, Coping, Dealing with Gene Therapy Drug Reactions, frustration, Gene Therapy Drug Reactions, scared, tired, venting | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
So, I have a compromise… of sorts. HA.
Today I talked with one of the financial people at Burzynski Clinic, and they are “willing” to let me have 2 weeks of Sodium Phenylbutrate for a payment of $2,250.00.
However, they AGAIN want to collect $1,500.00 to “manage” my medications. ”Managing” means to submit refills for the Tarceva, Xeloda, Zolinza and Zometa – which are all due.
That’s All
Simply Submit The Refills to the drug companies = $1,500.00.
WTHeck??
I JUST informed them that I cannot afford the charge for my meds this month and they wanna ADD AN ADDITIONAL $1,500.00??
Funny thing is, that when I stated that I wanted a copy of this “new policy” in writing, I was told that it’s not in writing, it’s a verbal thing, that all new patients are being advised of the same policy.
W.T.HECK??
Tags: Finances, Xeloda, Zolinza, Zometa
Posted in anger, Burzynski Clinic, Burzynski Clinic Financial Charges, frustration, venting | 1 Comment »
Saturday, August 8th, 2009
I’m Tired. Tired of dealing with this cancer.
Yes, I’ve wasted a lot of time and personal resources, – I Get It.
Now just let me get on with my life and make the changes I need to. I have things I want to do.
Tags: Cancer Sucks
Posted in anger, Cancer, frustration, regret, tired, venting | No Comments »
Monday, June 29th, 2009
It’s WTH… seems like an abnormal number of cancer deaths this past week… or is it just that I am more aware… becoming more aware each day…
I’ve got to stop taking these so personally… but it’s difficult not to when I am fighting this fight myself. Everything has changed since I got diagnosed. Well, not immediately, but as more time passes and as I become more aware of… of the fact that this is a very tough fight and not everyone makes it… it’s difficult to see these people passing – dying – and not to take it personally, to not be scared… petrified.
I want to have Faith, but how do I have Faith when I Am Not Ready? I look around and see all that I have Not accomplished, but do I have time? Do I have time to make up for poor choices? There is no “undo”, no “redo”, this is it… Do I have time…?
I want to just stand up and scream… I AM NOT READY.
How do I get ready when I don’t want to…?
Tags: Deaths
Posted in anger, Cancer, Coping, Emotions, frustration, overwhelming, sadness, scared, Special People, venting | 1 Comment »