I’m stunned.
Just walking around in a daze
I don’t think this has hit me yet
Cuz I’m not “feeling” it
I just feel
Blasted and
Stunned.
venting Category
Saturday, November 21st, 2009
Stun Gunned
Tags: employment, ExxonMobil, job, unemployment
Friday, November 20th, 2009
Job Nazi
No Job For You.
That You
Would be Me.
Me
Suddenly.
Unexpectedly.
Without a Job.
I was informed today, before I left the office for my infusion, that my current contract will end on November 30 2009.
The contract company called and told me.
On the phone.
My Manager was out of the country on business, then on vacation.
The contract company told me.
On the phone.
My Manager has known since at least November 13th
At least 2 weeks ago
He had promised me
That he would always let me know
What was going on with the job situation
He didn’t say a word.
The contract company was the one who told me
On the phone.
I’m not understanding what happened…. I’ve been working this job for almost 2 years, and each review has been positive. Last yearly review, I got a $2/hr raise.
I was not told that the position was open so that I could apply for it.
I knew they were trying to open it,
But I didn’t know it had been done.
I.did.not.even.know.
My Supervisor, was also on vacation and called me asking what the heck was going on. When he left for vacation he said that he would be “unreachable” and only to contact him if it was a Total emergency. And he contacted me.
Wanting to know
What was happening.
This is a Huge stress for me.
This is a Huge stress for me emotionally,
This is a Huge stress for me financially,
This is a Huge stress for me health-wise.
This Stress is not good when fighting cancer
This Stress is not good in this battle
This has hit me with a Huge stress.
HOW am I gonna find another job with the support system that I had with this one? The support system that I Thought I had at this one…
Somehow, I can’t help but think that this has something to do with the interview I went on, when I disclosed that I am fighting cancer. Disclosed because I thought it was the ethical thing to do.
How Ethical Is This?
My cancer was something that the main HR did not know. The job I didn’t get. Just too much of a coincidence…
So… No Job For Me.
Happy Holidays to You Too, ExxonMobil.
What am I going to do…?
Tags: employment, ExxonMobil, job, unemployment
Sunday, November 15th, 2009
Warriors In Battle
Warriors
In Battle.
We are Warriors
In Battle.
I see
Warriors
Fellow Warriors
Stand up to battle
To battle
Again and again
Fighting the fight
Of life.
I see
This horrific
Battle
Has claimed
Many Warriors
Good Warriors
Strong Warriors
Beaten
Broken.
I see
Warriors
Battling
Battling on
I stand with them
Battling
Battling on.
I see
Warriors
Dropping
The sword
Dropping
To their
Knees
Dropping
Falling
Fallen, beaten, weary
Struggling
To battle.
I see
Warriors
Rising, weary, determined
Determined to fight
Another day
To fight
Another battle
Again
Another battle
Again.
Warriors
In battle.
I Am A Warrior.
I Am In Battle.
Tags: Warriors
Friday, November 13th, 2009
Fakers
People like this make me sick. Here I am Struggling to survive, and this woman gets $10,000.00 in donations by LYING and spends them on Breast Implants?
WTH?
“McLennan County sheriff’s investigator James Pack says in court records that 24-year-old Trista Joy Lathern shaved her head to look like a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy.”
Trista Joy Lathern - Breast Cancer Scammer
WTH??
Woman Accused of Faking Breast Cancer for Implants
Did she fake breast cancer to get implants?
Trista Joy Lathern Gives Charity a Bad Name
I’d like to SUE this heiffer.
Tags: charity, faking breast cancer, Faking cancer, fraud, Liars, lying, scam, stealing, theft, Trista Joy Lathern
Thursday, November 12th, 2009
Guilt by Association
This cancer has me
by such a grip
gripping my perception
gripping my outlook
has warped my sense of reality
to the point
to simply participate
in previously everyday activities
the mundane situations
of life
leaves me feeling guilty
of such pleasures
feeling guilty
that I am trying
to live
normally
Tags: life
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
Gaseous
I really am tired of…
Excuse me!
Pardon me!
I am So Sorry!
Oops..
How Much embarrassment can a Gal endure?
I Swear, if I have Any More Gas come from my Body, I will Simply Float Away.
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
The Truth Is… Deal With It.
Sometimes, for a moment, I forget the battle I am fighting,
so its only natural that friends, people I associate with, would tend to forget…
That’s the truth…
People tend to forget I am stage 3b breast cancer.
The truth is… I Am stage 3b metastatic breast cancer,
Truth is… this means the cancer has spread.
I really try to keep a positive attitude and keep a “good face”
but… The truth is… I’m fighting for my life
The truth is… I am scared to death
The truth is… I am alone and I do get crabby.
Scared crabby
Crabby in that “I’m scared and don’t know what to do or who to turn to that can help me and I’m seeing my life possibly slip away before I’m ready” kinda way
The truth is… it’s not always pretty.
And thruth is.. some people can’t handle it.
Seem to think I don’t have an excuse to “loose it” every now and then.
Truth is… my survival is NOT guaranteed, it’s still Very iffy and that is a daily thought for me. Every.Day. I’d had good response to the treatment, but last blood work results were not so good..
The truth is… this will be a long fight
The stress from my health situation is Huge – physically, emotionally, spiritually. When dealing with any illness, stress is a huge negative factor.
I have realized that holding on to things that are causing stress is not in my best interest
So I am attempting to let go
clear out
remove
Things, situations, people
that are causing stress
in my life
so that I can
Deal with the truth.
That’s the truth.
Monday, September 28th, 2009
Painful Reminder
I remember when I first found the lump in my breast
and over the following months
Everyone asked me
My Friends
My Mom
My Doctors
“is it painful”
and I replied
Yes, it was painful
And I was reassured
“cancer doesn’t hurt”
Yet
I have cancer.
So now
when my breast hurts
as it has been doing lately
I wonder
what is going on
should I be concerned
or not
since
cancer doesn’t hurt.
Tags: breast pain
Monday, September 21st, 2009
Crabby Cranky and Totally Humbled
Sometimes you get caught in a crabby cranky mood.
Everyone gets them…
The crabby cranky that often makes you open mouth and insert foot.
Everyone gets them…
I get them.
I get that often these days.
Cuz I’m often crabby cranky at this whole flippin situation.
This whole flippin cancer situation.
cancer sucks, it robs everyone
it saps strength and hope and life…
And the crabby cranky sometimes spills over
Sometimes too often…
I recently joined Facebook.
It seems like everyone and their whoever wants to “Friend” everyone else.
Here a Friend, There a Friend…
People I don’t even know trying to Friend me.
Fernando from Spain, Buto from Africa, Mohammed from Libya.
WHO ARE YOU?
I am very wary…
A Friend of a Friend tried to Friend me.
And it caught me at a crabby cranky moment
and I had a crabby cranky moment on his Wall
(in what I Thought was a Private crabby cranky comment)
asking Why she would try and Friend me.
She and I don’t know each other, have never met, never exchanged a word – so why?
Again – very wary…
Then I am suddenly on her email list.
Getting info from her, regarding her business, her living.
So I reply back to her in a crabby cranky manner
Explaining that I really don’t have time for her business info, that I am fighting my own battle.
And this woman replies to me
in the Kindest, Most Generous manner
With Humor and a Gentle touch
Offering to help me.
To Help Me.
To.Help.Me.
When I Thanked her, she told me “it’s the High Holy Days… Sunday God balances my account and closes my Book of Life… I’d like to think I’ve touched at least a few lives along the way this year!
What a Wonderful outlook.
What a Wonderful spirit.
For whatever reason we have been led to each other, we do not yet know.
I am so Humbled.
And picking my toenails from between my teeth
from inserted foot.
Thank You, Pamela.
Sunday, September 13th, 2009
Aminocare A10 and Antineoplaston Therapy
More interesting info on the Burzynski protocol Aminocare A10 and Antineoplaston Therapy I mentioned in an earlier post…
I find the comment of “to help people prevent cancer and eventually put the good doctor out of business” somewhat confusing, as you would never know that by the recent struggle I’ve been having with the $1,500.00 “Medication Management” fee I’ve had to navigate.
Of course, this was dated 2005, so it seems things have changed somewhat.
Again – I Totally believe in the Burzynski protocol and the treatment I am receiving, I am however, having issue with the “extra” financial charges that keep creeping up.
Just saying…
Tags: Aminocare, Aminocare A10, Antineoplaston, Antineoplaston Therapy
